From Live and Lead, my monthly newsletter to my readers
It’s the holiday season. Everywhere we look are signs of celebration—Christmas decorations, trees and lights, Christmas songs in our ears. That magical spirit of Christmas surrounds us. For many, this season is one of joy and hope. For others, this season holds a growing sadness as they face the holidays without their loved ones.
Today, I invite us to pause and acknowledge that there are people we are called to accompany who are holding deep grief. I hear this often in my ministry of spiritual direction. The “magical” signs of Christmas can feel anything but magical to someone grieving. There is a growing sense of heaviness as the holiday season approaches without their loved ones.
My heart feels compassion for those who grieve. Like them, I understand what it feels like to sit at a table with an empty chair or to be in a space filled with celebration yet feel an overwhelming sense of sadness because there is one person you desperately long to have in the room. My guess is many of you know this experience, too. Our own understanding of this offers us a well of empathy to draw from as we accompany others.
The compassion I feel as I listen also draws me towards those sharing their grief. I feel moved to sit, to stay, to listen, and to offer any comfort I can. I turn to Jesus for inspiration.
Jesus’ Invitation: Blessed are those who mourn
One of the Beatitudes is “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Jesus reminds us that those who mourn will be comforted. How do we accompany those who mourn this holiday season? How can we be Christ’s hands, feet, ears, eyes, and mouth to those we encounter who are mourning?
I am by no means a grief accompaniment expert. However, in these recent years of life that included close personal loss and ministry, there are a few things that I feel offer a sense of support and comfort to those who mourn during this time.
Say the name of the loved one who died: It may seem like a small almost insignificant thing, but using the name of the loved one who died to a person grieving is a great gift. It acknowledges their person by name. It helps them know that their person is important to you.
Invite them to share a story about the one who died: So often people tell me that people stop asking about their loved ones. Invite the person you are accompanying to share a holiday story or a memory of their loved one. Hold the space to hear the stories. Help them remember their loved one.
Check in on those grieving: Repeatedly, I hear people share that people stop checking in on them. There is support up front after the loss, but the support quickly wanes. We can make a special point to reach out to those who have lost someone and ask how they are doing as the holiday approaches. Help them know you see them and understand.
Offer a simple ritual of remembrance: So often the person grieving is afraid they will forget the person that died. Invite the person who is mourning to think about simple rituals around the holidays that will help them remember their loved one. Maybe it’s something as simple as lighting a candle in memory of the person who died and keeping it in a special place during the holidays. Or maybe it’s doing one small thing they used to do with the person who died such as listening to a favorite song or visiting a meaningful spot.
I encourage us to pause when we encounter someone who is mourning this holiday season. Let’s linger with that person a little longer than we might normally do and ask Jesus, “How can I help you comfort this person right now?”
For all of you who are missing someone this holiday season, know I am praying for you. May you know the comfort of Christ in real, concrete ways.
Peace,
Becky
P.S. Center for Loss and Life Transition: I have found a lot of comfort in Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s wisdom on grief personally. I also find his wisdom on accompanying those who are grieving is powerful. This is his website with writings and links to his books.
Becky Eldredge
December 11, 2025