Strong People Need Support Too

From a Word from Becky, my monthly newsletter to my readers

Dear Friends,  

There is a mantra I keep repeating to myself lately. I say it to my husband and our children. I remind friends and colleagues. It is a theme I hear myself saying on retreats and to my directees too. What is this mantra?   

Strong People Need Support too!  

The words grew out of a season when our family was carrying suffering while, at the same time, I was founding a new ministry. I was accustomed to being the strong one, the helper, the listener, the person others turned to for guidance and support. I knew how to accompany others. What I was learning, however, was how to let others accompany me.   

This was a hard lesson for me to learn! The values often admired in our Western culture are strength, resilience, and perseverance. We honor self-sufficiency. We pride ourselves in doing it on our own.  

Because I had spent so much of my life being capable and dependable, many people assumed I was doing fine. The truth was that I needed prayers. I needed listening ears. I needed people to check in, to encourage, and sometimes simply to sit beside me. What I was learning was that strength is not the absence of need. Strength also includes the courage to tell the truth about what we need.   

Even Jesus, fully committed to his Father’s mission, welcomed the companionship, support, and presence of others. As I continued to pray with Scripture in that season, I realized Jesus understood this reality well. At the beginning of his ministry, he gathered disciples and companions around him. He did not choose isolation. He chose relationship. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus invited Peter, James, and John to remain near, telling them, “Stay here and keep watch with me” (Mt 26:38). Facing immense suffering, he did not pretend he was unaffected. He desired the presence of trusted friends. 

Even on the road to Calvary, Simon of Cyrene helped carry the cross. The cross remained Jesus’ to bear, but he did not carry it entirely alone. Throughout his ministry and especially at the foot of the cross, faithful women remained present. Their gift was not fixing the situation. Their gift was staying. They remained with him.   

If Jesus welcomed friends and support on the journey, perhaps it was ok for me to do the same. I learned how to better name the times I needed support. And you know what, people showed up!  

Friends stayed with me. They offered support and listening ears. Their support helped me continue living the calls God had placed on my life. They gave me space to name my struggles, and in doing so they empowered me to keep on living my Vocation as wife and mother. It strengthened me to help grow Ignatian Ministries and to continue accompanying others through spiritual direction, retreats, and teaching.  

They reminded me that I was never meant to carry these burdens alone. Through their presence, God cared for me in tangible ways. 

What Support Do You Need?  

As I write this, I wonder if some of you need this reminder as much as I do. Perhaps you have spent years being the dependable one. The one who shows up. The one who serves. The one who carries responsibilities faithfully. 

If so, hear this gentle truth: needing support does not diminish your strength. It is part of being human. It is part of how God loves us. 

This month, as you pray, consider two questions: Who is God inviting me to support? And where is God inviting me to receive support? The answer to the second question may be the harder one. 

Strength and support are not opposites. They often walk hand in hand. In fact, some of the strongest people I know are those who have learned to honestly say, “I need help,” and allow others to walk beside them. 

So I leave you with the mantra that keeps finding its way into my heart these days: 

Strong people need support too. Even Jesus did. 

Know I am praying for you! 

Peace, 

Becky